As a non-binary person, I’m often asked about gender-neutral language, especially as it’s something I’m generally vocal about. I’ve written answers to some common questions about gender-neutral language, including gender-neutral terms people can use to be more inclusive or to specifically use for non-binary people.
This blog post includes advice about using gender-neutral words, terms you can use instead of gendered versions, how to refer to non-binary people, and more.
What are gender-neutral words?
Gender-neutral words are words that are not specific to people of a binary gender – like “police officer” is gender-neutral, while “policewoman” and “policeman” are specific to binary genders. These words can refer to anyone regardless of gender, and they’re often considered inclusive synonyms.
Common gender-neutral words include:
- Sibling instead of sister or brother
- Chairperson instead of chairwoman or chairman
- Parents instead of mothers and fathers
- “Hello, everyone” instead of “Hello, ladies and gentlemen”
Is “guys” gender neutral?
“Guys” is a popular way of referring to a collective, even mixed-gender groups, and depending on tone and the situation, it can be seen as gender neutral. In fact, many people on social media within LGBTQIA+ communities use “Guys”, sometimes even “Guys and gals and (adjective) pals”.
But many people still see it as exclusive. Ultimately, “guys” refers to men, so it immediately excludes women (hence “guys and gals”). But it also excludes non-binary people (hence “Guys and gals and pals”).
The most appropriate synonym for “guys” is “folks”, sometimes spelled “folx”.
Is “folks” gender neutral?
“Folks” is a gender-neutral word that literally means “people in general”. It’s not as popular as “guys” but it’s used for the same purpose.
If you were addressing an audience and said, “Hey guys, how are you feeling today?” Some of that audience may wonder about or feel uncomfortable with your choice of “guys”. Instead, consider how people would react to “Hey folks, how are you feeling today?” What are your assumptions about using that phrase instead of the first phrase?
How should you address a non-binary person?
When we talk about addressing people, we’re usually thinking about how you’d greet someone or refer to them in a letter. In the past, “Dear Sir or Madam” was a very popular phrase when you didn’t know someone’s gender… but it’s not actually gender neutral.
If you don’t know somebody’s name and you’re writing an email to them, a gender-neutral greeting could just be “Hi” or “Hello” – there’s not always a need to include anything beyond that. Formally, you might put “To Whom It May Concern” instead.
But then there’s how to address people face-to-face. How many times have you been shopping and referred to as “miss”, “love”, “sir”, or “mister” by a cashier? There’s a whole other issue with this, but when it comes to non-binary people there’s an even bigger issue: none of these terms are gender-neutral.
The easiest way would be to not use any terminology like this at all. “Is that all?” is just as acceptable as “Is that all, ma’am?” But people usually use these terms of address to make people feel more comfortable or respected.
There’s no definitive answer on what gender-neutral term is best, but “friend” is probably the most acceptable (but also too intimate) way of being polite. In the UK, “buddy”, “pal”, and “mate” are common gender-neutral terms that feel a little less intimate.
Ultimately, most people (of all genders) would prefer you to leave out the term of address entirely.
How to address a non-binary person formally
Let’s say you’re at an event for work or a highly prestigious party. How would you address a non-binary person formally? You might want to say “Thank you, sir” or “It’s great to meet you, ma’am”. But you might get that wrong, even if they’re not non-binary.
Again, skipping the term of address will look and feel the most natural. However, you could also look for signs of what they might want to be called. Badges, name tags, or place cards could all offer a suitable alternative, and are more likely to be that individual person’s preferred term of address.
What do you call a non-binary partner?
“Girlfriend” and “boyfriend” have an innately less formal or committed feeling compared to “partner” or “spouse”, which are two common gender-neutral terms for someone you’re in a relationship with.
If you’re looking for a gender-neutral alternative, many people use “joyfriend” (though this might not convey that you’re dating) or “significant other”. Some couples also have more unique names to refer to each other as, though “partner” is used the most when it comes to formal spaces or where you don’t want to risk outing yourself or another person.
As for married partners, or partners in a civil partnership, “partner” is also the most accepted term, but it doesn’t feel right to everyone. A slightly more warmer version is “life partner”, because it’s someone you’ve committed to spending the rest of your life with.
What title do non-binary people use?
Formal titles for people are ridiculously gendered – “Mr.” for men, “Mrs.” for married women, “Miss” for unmarried women, and “Ms.” for women who don’t want their title to depend on whether or not they’re married.
There is a title for non-binary people to use, which is “Mx.” Mx is pronounced either as “mix” or “mux”, or somewhere in between – I’ve linked to the Cambridge Dictionary which includes a pronunciation guide.
Mx. is accepted on many forms of ID now, including driving licences, bank accounts, and more.
While “Dr.” is gender-neutral, it’s limited to only doctors and people who have a PhD, making it another status-relevant title.
What do you call a non-binary teacher?
If a teacher who is a man is called “Mr.” and “sir”, and a teacher who is a woman is called “Mrs./Miss/Ms.” and “miss”, then what do you call a non-binary teacher?
Most teachers will tell you what to call them, just as a teacher who identifies as a woman will specify which title she uses. Many non-binary teachers will do the same, and might also specify what they want their students to refer to them as (“sir”, “miss”, “msr”). “Msr” is a combination of “miss” and “sir”, pronounced “missir”, which is one of the easier to remember gender-neutral terms.
What is the difference between “gender-neutral” and “non-binary” words?
Gender-neutral and non-binary are both used as gender identities, but when it comes to language you would say “gender-neutral words” or “gender-neutral language”. While words that don’t refer to gender could be considered non-binary, as they’re words that are ungendered, it doesn’t make as much sense.
Instead of “gender-neutral language”, you might also use “ungendered language”, “non-gendered language”, or even “inclusive language”.